Christian

Getting things started

3 posts in this topic

Ok, to get this board jump-started I'm reposting a story I originally published under this forum's blog section. The original article can be found at

http://community.fle...owing-too-much/

PS - You don't need to be prolific. If you've got something to talk about, just jump in by starting a new topic and type away! cool.gif

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Years before I ever heard of FlexiSPY, I was working overseas with a colleague who had marital problems. To make matters worse, not only did he feel helpless so far away, but we were also working in a dangerous militarized zone. In this situation if a guy couldn’t keep his focus, he risked losing not only his job but also his life.

Its difficult watching a friend go through such mental obsession, trapped within a psychological prison of impending emotional doom. Time moves faster in our heads than in the real world. When reality doesn’t keep up with the synaptic charges rushing forward, it can make a man insane.

What began as marital difficulty took a paranoid turn for the worse. After way too many Skype and overseas phone calls, my colleague got it into his head that his wife was cheating. It didn’t help his mental condition that his paychecks were drafted directly into their joint bank account, or that she was still happily spending his credit cards like a kid in a shoe, err… candy store.

Worse yet is to be that man, living under impending doom while everyone else knows exactly what has to be done; take a step back, relax, and if necessary just let go of the painful dysfunction. However, such a man is anything but rational. Driven by this obsession he becomes unpredictable, impulsive and dangerous.

The war outside had nothing on the war raging inside his own head. Eventually he did the right thing and requested a leave to “go home and work things out”. After a week back home with his wife, he sounded upbeat and said everything was fine in e-mail. But it was nearly a month before we saw him back on the job, the longest leave allowed.

What his wife didn’t know is that during leave, he discreetly installed several spy-cams with remote web access running off the server in his house. Cameras were hidden liberally throughout the bedroom, kitchen, living room; even the bathroom.

Though he shouldn’t have been surprised, it was nevertheless shocking to log into one of the bed-cams, in front of several coworkers, when the glorious Not-Safe-For-Work fornication was revealed live from his own bed…with audio.

My friend had returned to the war zone every bit as obsessed as when he left; now tormented exponentially by live porn featuring his own cheating wife, streaming into view from over 7,000 miles away. Having just taken the maximum leave time for the quarter, he wouldn’t confront her until he could take leave again to do it in person.

And neither did he want her to find and remove the cameras. Irresistibly, for the next three months his only choice was to watch. Unable to do anything about it or even to stop his own madness, he would record the sessions and play them over again on the nights she wasn’t cheating. Vacillation between heartbreak and anger created equal confusion over finances, while not yet ready to completely give up the game.

Like a broken sieve his mind was erratic, emotional and unstable. Not what you want in a war zone. He wore a bullet proof vest with a hole cut over the heart area. It was more than symbolic. It was a comic tragedy, of epic proportion.

Why would we do this to ourselves? Is it to maintain some delusion of control, when we know that we have none? Is it to control others? Or is it to gain the freedom of truth, allowing us to move on with renewed sense of independence?

I don’t know if my colleague was ultimately better or worse for what he endured, but it certainly took its toll. In a way he did ask for it, but there is no way to prepare for that kind of information overload, and the result was incapacitating.

Standing on the precipice with a lump in your throat and the hard resolve of strong suspicion, it is difficult to turn away. We leap into darkness because we already cannot function with our blinders intact.

Whenever we have a large part of ourselves invested in another, we feel an inalienable right to know the truth; to know what is going on that might affect our self or those we love. What parent has never inspected their child’s backpack, or found something that doesn’t belong in a sock drawer? Who has never kept secrets from a partner, or resisted an urge to snoop the medicine cabinet of an exciting romantic prospect? Perhaps my colleague was in a situation that could have been avoided.

However there is danger in the addictive nature of suspicion, and the quest for what could become too much information. We want to protect our children from stalkers, and in doing so may sometimes blur the lines of the stalker. And if we do have courage to ask the questions, we must also prepare for the answers. We need to know when we’ve had enough and when it’s time to move on, either with or without. To do any less would be torture, and FlexiSPY is meant to free you from this.

Ultimately, products like FlexiSPY cannot take the credit for either weakening or strengthening a relationship. If you want to weaken your marriage, just carry on with suspicion in everything that you do; you don’t need FlexiSPY for that. If you want to strengthen it there are a thousand good books on the subject. Why not start with flowers?

Are there good people taken advantage of every day who might benefit from our products? Absolutely, and we want your business! I’m sure there are also some who would benefit more from counseling. But you might need to reassure yourself before it ever comes to that; such as my colleague trapped in an unfaithful marriage, stuck overseas and glued to his web-cam! In some cases FlexiSPY could be less expensive than counseling or divorce, many years later.

The bottom line is that FlexiSPY is a tool for gathering information. As a neutral witness, it is very good at doing just that. What you do with that information is up to you. If you have questions, FlexiSPY will absolutely give you the answers you need. If you have doubts, it will either settle your mind, or settle your affairs…without prejudice.

The last I heard my colleague was still married to the same woman, although he no longer works overseas. Who can say if the cameras played a positive or negative role? That information could have just as easily destroyed or saved his marriage. Whatever you think you would have done, my friend chose to save the relationship. He could have been a victim all the way through to the inevitable end, but confronted the situation on his own terms and was lucky enough to turn it around. But in the end if he never knew, he never would have had a choice.

Love is three quarters curiosity - Casanova

Since knowledge is but sorrow’s spy, it is not safe to know - William Davenant

Be careful out there… – Me

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I have too been obsessing over the cheating prospect. for almost two years now. going thru the phone while sleeping isn't cutting it anymore. he's too sneaky to leave the texts sitting there. its like, i know, but i never had the proof. its time to put it to rest. or i will go insane. i feel i will finaly feel free and be able to let go of him for sure, once there is no denying it anymore. i don't feel wrong or sneaky for it...i am saving myself from throwing my life away by marrying him, and avoiding possible std's. also, protecting my children from the heatbreak of their family breaking up down the road when i finaly catch him on my own, by chance, after becoming so attached. i'm doing this for my family, my health, and my heart.

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I have too been obsessing over the cheating prospect. for almost two years now. going thru the phone while sleeping isn't cutting it anymore. he's too sneaky to leave the texts sitting there. its like, i know, but i never had the proof. its time to put it to rest. or i will go insane. i feel i will finaly feel free and be able to let go of him for sure, once there is no denying it anymore. i don't feel wrong or sneaky for it...i am saving myself from throwing my life away by marrying him, and avoiding possible std's. also, protecting my children from the heatbreak of their family breaking up down the road when i finaly catch him on my own, by chance, after becoming so attached. i'm doing this for my family, my health, and my heart.

It is always upsetting to hear about anyone having to be in a position like that. But in your heart you know what you have to do. Whether choosing to stay in the relationship or make the hard choice to leave, you pick yourself up and move on. We all need to know that we do have a choice.

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